Scientific Principles for Raising Teenagers

The problem of raising teenagers is one of the problems that concern the specialists in this field. Sons usually stay under their parents control till a certain age, but the parents often misuse this control. The parents later regret it after their sons leave their control whether by marriage, migration or study. So it’s very important for these parents to give this subject plenty of time and attention, knowing that a righteous son would be like an everlasting charity which would benefit them after death!

ان مشكلة تربية المراهقين من المشاكل التي تؤرق الكثيرين من المهتمين بامور التربية .. حيث أن الأولاد يبقون حتى سن معينة ، تحت قبضة الوالدين ، لكنهما كثيرا ما يسيئان استثمار هذه السيطرة ، ليندما بعد خروج الولد عن دائرة قبضتهما ، زواجا ً ، أو هجرة ، او دراسة .. فكم من الحري بهما أن يعطيا للموضوع حقه من التفكير و الوقت.. اذ من المعلوم ان الولد الصالح من مصاديق الصدقة الجارية التي تنفعهما بعد الموت !

Man has a bodily structure and a psychological structure. Just as there is a moving body, there is a growing sprit. So when we pay attention to the bodily growth of our sons, we have to pay attention to their spirits and their growth. This growth reaches its peak, integration, or low point in the age of adolescence.

إن للانسان تكوين بدني وتكوين نفسي .. فكما أن هناك جسما ً يتحرك فهناك روح تنمو.. ولهذا فانه في الوقت الذي نهتم فيه بالنمو الجسمي لأولادنا ، فانه يتحتم علينا أن نهتم بأرواحهم ونموها ، هذا النمو الذي يبلغ أوج فورانه – تكاملا ً أو تسافلا ً- في مرحلة المراهقة.

There are factors that influence the growing teenager and his behavior. Some of them are internal factors like hereditary characteristics and mental structure. Obviously while these factors vary from one member of a family to another, that doesn’t imply fatalism in determining human behavior. Other factors are environmental factors like parents’ or corrupt relatives’ behavior, friends, scholastic environment, and finally different media that have often become devilish tools to corrupt our sons.

ان هناك عناصر مؤثرة في تربية المراهق وسلوكه .. فمنها ما هو ذاتي : كالصفات الوراثية ، والبنية النفسية والعقلية ، و من الواضح ان هذه الخصوصيات – رغم تميزها من فرد عن أخر حتى ضمن الأسرة الواحدة- لا تعني أبدا ً حالة من ( الجبر) في تحديد سلوك الأنسان .. ومنها ما هو محيطي : كسلوك الآباء ، والأقارب المنحرفين ، والأصدقاء ، والجو المدرسي ، وأخيراً وسائل الإعلام المختلفة التي كثيراً ما أصبحت من الأدوات الشيطانية المسببة لانحراف أبنائنا.

We notice in many cases that internal factors for sons are healthy and perfect, but unfortunately parents’ behavior within the family; disputes and conflicts, disobeying religious rules, or neglecting their sons and being preoccupied with their own affairs, all of that would produce different defects in the sons’ behavior. In this case, parents are the ones to be held responsible in the Hereafter.

اننا نلاحظ فى حالات كثيرة سلامة التكوين الذاتي لدى الأبناء وعدم وجود خلل فيه .. و لكن – مع الاسف – نرى ان سلوك الأبوين داخل الأسرة : من حيث وجود خلاف أو نزاع بينهما، أو عدم التزامهما بتعاليم الشريعة ، أو إهمال الأولاد داخل المنزل والانشغال عنهم بشؤونهم الخاصة ، هو الذي يؤدي إلى نشوء أنواع من الخلل في سلوكهم الجوارحى والجوانحى ، وبذلك يكونان في هذه الحالة ، هما المؤاخذان اللذان يتحملان المسؤولية يوم القيامة .

Some parents, as we can see, do not know who their sons’ friends are, and what orientations and inclinations they have when in fact they are the ones who outline their sons’ behavior. We have often seen parents giving all their efforts, psychological and intellectual, to raise their son on good manners till the age of eighteen. But one red night, one trip to suspicious places, or one corrupt company turns this son upside down, and what a great loss! For this reason it is necessary to start strict and full monitoring over the sons, as long as this can keep them from evils, by watching whom they accompany, where they go and what they do.

نلاحظ أن بعض الآباء لا يعرفون من هم أصدقاء أبنائهم، وما هي توجهاتهم وميولهم ، والحال أن هؤلاء هم الذين يرسمون سلوك الأبناء من حيث لا يشعرون ! .. ولطالما رأينا ان الأهل يبذلون أقصى الجهود- نفسيا ً وفكريا ً- لتربية ولدهم تربية صالحة حتى سن الثامنة عشرة ، و لكن ليلة من الليالى الحمراء ، أو سفرة إلي الأماكن المشبوهة، أو معاشرة منحرفة واحدة ، تجعله ينقلب رأسا ً على عقب ، ويا لها من خسارة كبرى!.. ولذا لا بد من مراقبة الأولاد مراقبة دقيقة وكاملة ما دام في ذلك صيانة لهم عن المفاسد، بمراقبة من يعاشرون، وأين يذهبون، واستخدام الفخاخ التربوية المناسبة في هذا المجال.

One of the environmental influences on the teenager behavior is the scholastic environment. As we can see the school nowadays form a large part of the youths’ life. Yet it is regrettable to see some parents, for financial reasons, local nearness or the like, choosing corrupt schools, or schools known to have improper breeding environments for their sons. In reality, financial spending in this matter is an assured investment, and it’s much more beneficial than spending money on life’s luxuries.

من المؤثرات المحيطية على سلوك المراهقين هو الجو المدرسي .. فمن الملاحظ أن المدرسة في هذه الأيام ترسم مساحة كبيرة من حياة الشاب.. ومع هذا فان من المؤسف أن بعض الأباء – من أجل التوفير المادي ، أو القرب المكانى ، او ما شابه ذلك – يختارون مدرسة منحرفة، أو معروفة بالأجواء التربوية غير السليمة أو المختلطة ، لتكون منبتا ً لأبنائهم.. والحال أن الأنفاق المادي في هذا المجال هو استثمار مضمون النتائج.. وهو أجدى بكثير من الأنفاق على كماليات الحياة !!.

One practical recommendation in this matter is constructive dialogue. Youth nowadays have wide knowledge and awareness, and good analytical abilities in politics, economy, culture, and so forth. When the social sphere is full of imported thoughts, cultural corruptions and mercurial concepts that can be missed, it’s our duty to help the youth who live in a kind of intellectual confusion, output of this intellectual freedom, primarily by open minded discussion, instead of clashing or cursing with corruption and unbelief. This latter method would lead them to stubbornness and insisting on their attitudes, even just as a challenge. The holy hadeeth had stated something close to this: “Never raise your sons the way you were raised, because they were created for a different time than yours”.

من التوصيات العملية لتربية المراهقين هي الحوارية الهادفة، حيث نلاحظ أن الشباب في هذا العصر يملكون إطلاعا ً واسعا ، ً وقدرة تحليلية في عالم السياسة والاقتصاد والثقافة ، وبما أن الساحة مليئة بالأفكار المستوردة ، والانحرافات الثقافية ، والمفاهيم الزئبقية التى يساء الاستفادة منها ، فان من اللزام علينا أن نأخذ بيد الشباب الذين يعيشون شيئا من الحيرة الفكرية التى هى من افرازات الحرية الفكرية !!.. ولا يتم ذلك الا بالنقاش مع صدر واسع ، بدلا من المواجهة والاتهام بالانحراف أو الكفر، فان ذلك من موجبات العناد والتمسك بتلك المفاهيم ولو من باب التحدى والاغاظة !!. وقد جاء بما يقرب من هذا المضمون الشريف : ( أدبوا أولادكم بغير أدبكم .. فأنهم خلقوا لزمان غير زمانكم ).

Another practical recommendation for the parents is to establish a friendship with their sons and avoid the roughness that is widespread in eastern societies. This friendship would encourage the son to discuss his problems and concern with his parents, the ones who know what is good for him, instead of strangers. The father should himself select the most suitable group of friends for his son like those who come frequently to the mosque, before the son would choose bad ones.

ومن التوصيات العملية للآباء : إنشاء حالة من الصداقة مع الولد، والابتعاد عما هو سائد في مجتمعات الشرق من أسلوب ( العصا والخيزران )!.. ان من شان هذه الصداقة ان تجعل الولد يشكو همومه إلى والديه – وهما الأعرف بما يصلحه – بدلا من الالتجاء إلى الغرباء ! .. كما أن على الأب أن يختار بنفسه المجموعة السليمة من الأصدقاء كشباب المساجد مثلا ، قبل أن يختار هو بنفسه بطانة السوء .

Another important recommendation for the parents is to show their love, affection and satisfaction with their sons, and keep away from accusation and mistrust which will make them lose their self-confidence. The father who notices any good sign of this son should take advantage of this chance and try to encourage him, praise him and reward him. It is well known that reward is a motivator even for adults, a fact that is considered also in urging recommendable actions by the Divine Law.

ومن التوصيات المهمة للآباء : هو إظهار حبهم و مشاعرهم و رضاهم للأبناء ، و الابتعاد عن الاتهام و سوء الظن !.. حيث يلاحظ أن الولد عندما يرى نفسه متهماً في المنزل ، فإنه سيفقد الثقة بنفسه ، و من هنا ينبغي على الاب الذى يرى من ولده بادرة حسنة ، أن يستثمر الفرصة و يشجعه و يمتدحه معبرا عن ذلك بفرحة وجائزة .. ومن المعلوم أن عامل الاجرو الثواب من الأمور المشجعة حتى للبالغين ، وهو ما نلاحظه أيضا في مجال الحث على المستحبات من قبل الشريعة السمحة.

If Moses and Haroon (S) were ordered by Almighty God to speak with soft words to the Pharaoh, we should certainly speak to our sons, while they are our subjects, our satisfaction and our everlasting charity, with soft words! Isn’t that fulfilling what the Almighty called for in His saying: {Call unto the way of thy Lord with wisdom and fair exhortation, and reason with them in the better way} and {There is no compulsion in religion}. So let us ask Almighty God for help, and pray to him saying {Our Lord! Vouchsafe us comfort of our wives and of our offspring}, so that the Prophet (S) can be proud of such offspring in front of other nations in the Hereafter.

إذا كان الأمر الإلهي لموسى و هارون (ع) أن يقولا لفرعون قولاً ليناً.. أليس من الأولى أن يكون قولنا لأولادنا – و هم رعيتنا و قرة أعيننا و صدقتنا الجارية – من مصاديق اللين من القول ؟! .. أليس في ذلك امتثال لقوله تعالى : { ادع إلى سبيل ربك بالحكمة والموعظة الحسنة} و{ لا إكراه في الدين } ؟! .. ولنطلب العون من الله تعالى، و ندعوه قائلين : { ربنا هب لنا من أزواجنا وذرياتنا قرة أعين واجعلنا للمتقين إماما} ، ليباهي الرسول (ص) بمثل هذه الذرية ، فى قبال الأمم الاخرى يوم القيامة.

Things aren’t always what they seem

Life’s Little Lessons

Two traveling angels stopped to spend the night in the home of a wealthy family. The family was rude and refused to let the angels stay in the mansion’s guest room. Instead the angels were given a space in the cold basement. As they made their bed on the hard floor, the older angel saw a hole in the wall and repaired it. When the younger angel asked why, the older angel replied.. “Things aren’t always what they seem”.

The next night the pair came to rest at the house of a very poor, but very hospitable farmer and his wife. After sharing what little food they had the couple let the angels sleep in their bed where they could have a good night’s rest. When the sun came up the next morning the angels found the farmer and his wife in tears. Their only cow, whose milk had been their sole income, lay dead in the field.

The younger angel was infuriated and asked the older angel “how could you have let this happen!? The first man had everything, yet you helped him,” she accused. “The second family had little but was willing to share everything, and you let their cow die.”

“Things aren’t always what they seem,” the older angel replied. “When we stayed in the basement of the mansion, I noticed there was gold stored in that hole in the wall. Since the owner was so obsessed with greed and unwilling to share his good fortune, I sealed the wall so he wouldn’t find it. Then last night as we slept in the farmers bed, the angel of death came for his wife. I gave her the cow instead. Things aren’t always what they seem.”

Sometimes this is exactly what happens when things don’t turn out the way they should. If you have faith, you just need to trust that every outcome is always to your advantage. You might not know it until some time later.

Think about the following:

Should you find it hard to get to sleep tonight; Just remember the homeless family who has no bed to lie in.

Should you find yourself stuck in traffic; don’t despair. There are people in this world for whom driving is an unheard of privilege.

Should you have a bad day at work; think of the man who has been out of work for the last three months.

Should you despair over a relationship gone bad; Think of the person who has never known what it’s like to love and be loved in return.

Should you grieve the passing of another weekend; Think of the woman in dire straits, working twelve hours a day, seven days a week, for $15.00 to feed her family.

Should your car break down, leaving you miles away from assistance; Think of the paraplegic who would love the opportunity to take that walk.

Should you notice a new gray hair in the mirror; Think of the cancer patient in chemo who wishes she had hair to examine.

Should you find yourself at a loss and pondering what is life all about, asking “what is my purpose”; Be thankful, there are those who didn’t live long enough to get the opportunity.

Should you find yourself the victim of other people’s bitterness, ignorance, smallness or insecurities; Remember, things could be worse. You could be them!!!

Should you decide to send this to a friend; You might brighten someone’s day!

Turn your face to the sun and the shadows will fall behind you

THE CHARACTER OF STUDENT

THE CHARACTER OF STUDENT IN THE TRADITIONS OF THE AHLULBAYT (as)

Imam Sadiq (as) said, “Your teacher has the right over you that you should honor him and pay him respect in different assemblies. You should be very attentive to his words. you should not raise your voice above his. if anybody asks him a question, you should not give its reply. You should not converse with others in his presence and you should allow the people to benefit from his knowledge. You should not speak ill of anyone before him. If anybody speaks ill of him in your presence, you should defend him. You should conceal his shortcomings and bring his virtues to light. You should not associate with his enemies and should not dispute with his friends. If you act on these lines the angels of Allah will testify that you have paid attention to him and have acquired knowledge for the sake of Allah and not to attract the attention of the people. And the right of your pupils on you is that you should realize that in granting you knowledge and opening its path to you, Allah has appointed you to be their guardian. In case, therefore, you teach them properly and do not frighten them and are not furious with them, Allah will, through His kindness, increase your knowledge. But if you drive the people away from knowledge and, as and when they approach you for it, you frighten them and get annoyed with them, it will only be appropriate that the Almighty Allah may take away the light of knowledge from you and may degrade you in the eyes of the people.” The Messenger of God said:”A loving glance at the face of a learned [`alim] is an act of worship [ibada].” He also said: “Sitting with the people of learning is an honor in this life and the hereafter.” On the authority of Abu ‘Abd Allah, it is reported that the Messenger of God said: “A man will come on the day of resurrection. To his credit will be so many good deeds that they will be heaps, or towering mountains. He will ask: ‘O my Lord! All this for me-and what have I done for them?’ God will say: ‘This is the knowledge you taught to people, and they kept on acting on it after you.” Abu Ja’far said,”Whoever taught the path to guidance will have as much reward as those who acted upon it, without in any way decreasing the reward of the latter. Whoever taught the path to wrongdoing will have as much punishment as those who acted upon such teachings without in any way decreasing the punishment of the latter.”

THE CHARACTER OF STUDENT IN THE TRADITIONS OF THE AHLULBAYT (as)

The HOLY PROPHET of Islam peace be upon him said :“Be alert surely Allah loves those who seek knowledge.”(Behar ul Anvar v : 1; p : 172, Alkafi v : 1)

“Any thing even fish in sea ask pardon for those who obtain knowledge.”Behar ul anvar v : 1 ; p : 171

“One of the best alms is learning knowledge then teaching to his brother.”Mohajjat ul baiza v : 1 ; p : 22

“Whoever goes out of his house to learn a branch of knowledge for doing then for teaching, ALLAH rewards him for each his step ALLAH’S reward of thousand year fasts and saying prayers.”Behar ul anvar V : 1 ; P : 166

“I swear by Allah that any one to and from to learn knowledge, Allah rewards him for any his step reward of worship on one year and makes a city to him in paradise.”Behar ul Anvar V : 1 ; P : 184

“ Keep knowledge with writing.”Behar ul anvar V : 77,61 ; P : 141,124

“ Whoever obtains knowledge is like who fasts everyday and says prayer night long.”Behar ul anvar V : 1 ; P : 184

“Angels love to become friend with them (knowledge seekers) and cares them with their wings.”Behar ul anvar V : 1 ; P : 166

“One step will be between whoever dies obtaining knowledge to revive Islam and prophets in paradise.”Behar ul anvar V : 1 ; P : 184

“O ABAZAR whoever goes out of his house to obtain a branch of knowledge, God gives him a city in paradise for listening or writing each letter.”Behar ul anvar V : 1 P : 178

“Allah, Angels and prophets love those who search knowledge and any one except lucky doesn’t like knowledge, then good for knowledge seeker on doomsday.”Behar ul anvar V : 1 P : 178

“Whoever loves to look at delivered man from hell by ALLAH, should look at those who search knowledge.”Behar ul anvar V : 1 P : 184, Mohajjat ul baiza V : 1 P : 18

“If knowledge is suspended from pleiad, surely some of Iranians get it.”Behar ul anvar V : 1 P : 195

IMAM ALI peace be upon him said:“Virtuous men in it (world) are people of virtue and they listen carefully to useful knowledge.”Nahj ul Balagha, sermon: 193

“O’ people! Know certainly accomplishment of religion is obtaining knowledge and doing accordingly.”Behar ul anvar V : 1 P : 175

“Whoever travels to obtain knowledge is like who strive hard in ALLAH’S way.”Behar ul anvar V : 1 P : 179

“O young nation; keep your honour by being polite and your religion by knowledge.”“Knowledge is more than what you can learn all of that, then learn the best one.”Ghorar ul Hekam

“Whoever doesn’t listen to Wiseman, his wisdom will die.”Behar ul anvar V : 1 P : 53

“The best one to be learned by teenagers is what they will need when become old.”Nahjol Balagha of ibne abal hadid V : 20 P : 333 “817 word”

“Obtaining knowledge on young hood is like to engrave on stone.”Safynat ul behar P : 680

“Student should be polite about gaining knowledge and should be tireless on learning and never imagine that his knowledge is much.”Ghurar ul Hekam.

“O believer surely this knowledge and courtesy are your price the try to learn them.If your knowledge and courtesy become much, your price will be high. Then you are led to your lord by knowledge and you can serve your lord with courtesy very well.”Behar ul anvar V : 1 ; P : 180

“Whoever doesn’t obtain knowledge on childhood will not be vanguard on old hood.”Ghorar ul hekam P:697

“More studying and thinking about knowledge, opens wisdom.”Behar ul anvar V:1 ; P:52

IMAM HASSAN MOJTABA peace be upon him invited his children and brothers then said :“Surely you are child now and soon will be old then seek knowledge, and whoever can not memorize it, should write and keep it in his house.”Mounyat ul moried P : 196

IMAM SAJJAD peace be upon him said:“If people know what is in knowledge, certainly will obtain it though with bloodshed and going to deep sea.”Behar ul anvar V:1 ; P:185

IMAM SAJJAD peace be upon him about teacher’s right said:“Students should:

1) Respect his/her teacher and his/her session. 2) Be eager to meet him/her. 3) Listen to him/her carefully. 4) Speak to him/her politely. 5) Not answer questions unless he/she is asked to. 6) Not talk and backbite any one before him.7) Conceal his/her faults.8) Express his/her goodness. 9) Not meet with who are against him/her.10) Behave well with his/her friends.If student observes the above statements, angels will certify that he/she learns his/her knowledge for sake of ALLAH not people.” Vasael ashiah V:11 P: 134, Behar ul anvar V:2 P: 42, Tohaf ul Uqool.

IMAM SADIQ peace be upon him said:“Keep your books well since you need them soon.”Behar ul anvar V:2 P:152

“Write knowledge since you can’t memorize unless with writing. Heart confides to written.”Alkafi V: 1, Behar ul anvar V: 1 P: 202

“Whoever obtains knowledge and acts accordingly then teaches for sake of ALLAH, is called in heavens in to the skies honorably.”Alkafi V: 1 P: 35, Behar ul anvar V: 2 P: 27

IMAM MOSA ALKAZEM peace be upon him said:“Conversation with learned men on dunghill is better then conversation with ignorant leaning on pillow on carpet.”Alkafi V; 1 P: 39

IMAM REZA peace be upon him said:“Knowledge is treasure and it’s keys are question.”Behar ul anvar V: 1 P: 198

IMAM MAHDI peace be upon him prayed for students:“O GOD please do students a favour and grace them to study with pleasure and effort.”

The HOLY PROPHET of Islam peace be upon him said:“Sleeping with knowledge is better than saying prayer with ignorance.”Behar ul anvar V: 1 P: 185

“Those who gain knowledge among ignorant men are who live among dead men.”Behar ul anvar V: 1 P: 181

“Those who obtain knowledge won’t die even enjoy his/her effort as much as they try.”Behar ul anvar V: 1 P: 177

“Obtaining knowledge is obligatory for any muslem.”Behar ul anvar V: 1 P: 177

“Bravo to those who seek knowledge; surely angels embrace them with their wings.”Behar ul anvar V: 1 P: 185

IMAM SADIQ peace be upon him said:“Behave humbly with your teacher.”Alkafi V: 1 P: 36

IMAM ALI peace be upon him said:“More thinking about what is learned make it constant and make man learn new theme.”Ghorar ul hekam V: 2 P: 695

Dua Before Studying 

“Allahumma infa’nii bimaa ‘allamtanii wa’allimnii maa yanfa’uunii. Allahumma inii as’aluka fahmal-nabiyyen wa hifzal mursaleen al-muqarrabeen. Allahumma ijal leesanee ‘aiman bi dhikrika wa qalbi bi khashyatika. Innaka ‘ala ma-tasha’u qadeer wa anta hasbun-allahu wa na’mal wakeel.”

“Oh Allah! Make useful for me what you have taught me and teach me knowledge that will be useful to me. Oh Allah! I ask you for the understanding of the prophets and the memory of the messengers, and those nearest to you. Oh Allah! Make my tongue full of your remembrance and my heart with consciousness of you. Oh Allah! You do whatever you wish, and you are my availer and protector and best of aid.”

 Dua After Studying 

“Allahumma inni astaodeeka ma qara’tu wama hafaz-tu. Farudduhu ‘allaya inda hajati elahi. Innaka ‘ala ma-tasha’-u qadeer wa anta hasbeeya wa na’mal wakeel” 

“Oh Allah! I entrust you with what I have read and I have studied. Oh Allah! Bring it back to me when I am in need of it. Oh Allah! You do whatever you wish, you are my availer and protector and the best of aid.”

 

 Dua While Studying Something

Difficult

“Allahumma la sahla illama ja-‘altahu sahla anta taj ‘alu al hazana eza ma shi’ta sahal.”

“Oh Allah! Nothing is easy except what you have made easy. If you wish, you can make the difficult easy.”

 Dua For Concentration 

Salla-l-laahu alaa Muhammad wa aal-e Muhammad. Allahumma inni as’aluka yaa mudhakkira-l khayr wa faa’ilahu wa-l-aamimira bihi dhakir-ni maa ansaani-hi-shaytan.”

Al-Rifq’ – Gentleness

Al-Rifq’ Gentleness in the Life of the Prophet (saww)

“It is by Allah’s mercy that you are gentle to them, had you been harsh and hardhearted, surely they would have dispersed from around you. Therefore, excuse them; Plead for forgiveness for them and consult them in the affairs”. (3:159)

In the above verse, Allah (SWT) has pointed out and praised one of the most important characteristics of His messenger (saww), which played a significant role in attracting the people towards Islam; and that is of what has been termed as AL-RIFQ.

AL-RIFQ in Arabic means: Kindness, Gentleness, Mildness & Friendliness.

[History tells us that the battle of ‘Uhud was the toughest battle, which the Muslims fought against the pagans of Quraysh.

In this battle, the Holy Prophet (saww) had instructed the Muslims not to leave their positions until they were told to do so. They did not follow the instruction; They left their positions in greed of getting their hands on the booty, and as a result, they were attacked and surrounded by their enemies; In order to save their lives, some Muslims escaped to the nearby mountains leaving the Holy Prophet (saww) and some of his companions behind to deal with the situation; Many so-called prominent companions were among those who fled.

After the battle of ‘Uhud, these Muslims deserved to be punished. But, the Holy Prophet (saww) did NOT punish them. Instead, he (saww) dealt with them gently and with mildness.] (Tafseer-e-Namoona)

It was in regard to this behaviour that Allah (SWT) praised His Prophet (saww).

GENTLENESS IN ISLAM

One of the many important lessons that Islam teaches us is to shun harshness and exhibit Gentleness and Mildness in our behaviour with others.

The Holy Prophet (saww) has said, “If gentleness could have been a creature perceived by eyes then it would have been the most beautiful of all creations of Allah (SWT)”. (Bihar al-Anwaar)

He (saww) also said, “Wherever gentleness is exhibited, it adorns the place”. (Kanzul-‘Ummaal)

BENEFITS OF GENTLENESS:

There are many advantages of being gentle and mild in our behaviour towards others in this life. Since we are commemorating the martyrdom of the Holy Prophet (saww), let us see what he (saww) has said in this regard and look for practical examples from his noble life.

GENTLENESS RESOLVES DIFFERENCES:

One of the benefits of being gentle with others is that ‘gentleness leads to peaceful solution of problems’. Whenever two people, or two groups of people quarrel with each other, and neither of them shows gentleness, their problem will never be solved. As soon as one of them shows gentleness, the other mellows down and an agreement is reached between them.

“Gentleness leads to peace” (Meezan al-Hikmah)

In olden days, it would just take a small thing to trigger a big war between two tribes. The war would last for years killing many people and destroying families. Islam put a stop to this by introducing the concept of being ‘gentle’ and ‘forgiving’ to each other.

[Once a Bedouin Arab came to Madina and visited the Holy Prophet (saww) to seek his guidance and advice. The Holy Prophet (saww) said to him: “Do not lose your temper” and said nothing more than this.

The man returned to his tribe. When he arrived among his people, he noticed a serious problem had occurred.  Few young men of his tribe had stolen some things from the other tribe and they had retaliated. As a result, they had gradually reached a stage of waging war against each other and had come out face to face with their weapons for the confrontation.

He immediately sought for his armour and taking up his weapon joined his tribe to fight against the other tribe. Suddenly, he recollected the words of the Holy Prophet (saww), “Do not lose your temper”. He was soon in deep thoughts asking himself: Why have I become so excited? Why have I taken up my weapon to shed blood? What made me so furious? Thereupon, he left his weapon and came forward to address the other tribe. He said, “What is this war for? If few ignorant men from our tribe have committed transgression against you, I am ready to recompense from my personal wealth. So there is no reason to jeopardize our life and shed blood for nothing”. When the opposite side heard this magnanimous proposition from this man, their generosity and zeal was aroused and they said in reply: “We are in no way inferior to you. Now that it is so, we will forgo our demands”. Consequently, both the parties retreated to their tribes.] (Usool al-Kaafi)

GENTLENESS IS KEY TO ALL SUCCESS:

The other benefit of being gentle is that it is a key to every success.

“Gentleness is key to success”. (Meezan al-Hikmah)

The battle of ‘Uhud was fought in the early days of Islam. People were still adjusting to Islam. If the Holy Prophet (saww) was harsh on those who fled from the battlefield, they would have left Islam and reverted to whatever they were before; and this would be a very big blow for Islam. But because the Holy Prophet (saww) was lenient and gentle, people stuck to him and Islam spread thereafter.

[Once, a nomadic, rough Arab arrived in Madina and made his way towards the Mosque in hope of getting some gold and silver from the Holy Prophet (saww). When he entered the Mosque, the Holy Prophet (saww) was among multitude of his friends and companions. This Arab made his request and demanded the charity. The Holy Prophet (saww) gave him something but the Arab was not satisfied and thought that whatever he got was less. So he yelled at the Prophet (saww) and uttered some very harsh words to him. The companions were very disappointed with the Arab and not tolerating his insults, they got up to beat him but the Holy Prophet (saww) prohibited them to harm him.

Later on, the Holy Prophet (saww) took the Bedouin Arab to his home and favoured him some more. In fact, when the Bedouin saw the simplicity of the Holy Prophet (saww) own life, he felt remorseful at his own behaviour and expressed his thanks to the Holy Prophet (saww) for his additional favour. The Holy Prophet (saww) told him: “You uttered harsh words yesterday, which provoked the anger of my companions and you have made them bitter against you. Now that you have thanked and spoken kind words to me, could you repeat the same in presence of my companions so as to ease their anger against you?” The man readily agreed so the Holy Prophet (saww) brought him to the Mosque and said to his companions: “This man claims that he has been pleased with me, am I right?” The man said, “Yes! You are right”, and then repeated the words he had mentioned to the Holy Prophet (saww) privately. At this, the companions began laughing and were happy. Thereafter, addressing his companions, the Holy Prophet (saww) said, “My example with such a person is like a man whose camel startled and ran away. The people began shouting and running after the camel thinking that they would help the owner. The more they shouted, the more the camel sped. The owner kept calling the people back assuring them that he knew how to keep the camel calm. When the people left the camel alone, the owner picked up some herbs and gently showed it to the camel without shouting and running. The camel came back and the owner easily grasped the bridle of his camel and set off on his way”.

Then the Holy Prophet (saww) added: “Yesterday, if I would have allowed you to handle this man as you please, you would have killed the poor man. But I stood between you and him, and treated him gently and kindly”.]  (Dastaane-Raastaan)

Mulla Mujahidali Sheriff

http://www.alqaem.org

It’s NOT My Problem

Please go throgh this story nicely presentated in presentation

https://moralsandethics.files.wordpress.com/2007/01/not-my-problem-team.pps

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