CHOOSING A WIFE – II

Once there was a very handsome, pious, well educated young man, whose parents emphasised for him to get married. they had seen so many marriage proposals, and he had turned them all down. The parents thought it was becoming a little ridiculous or suspected that he may have someone else in mind.

However every time the parents left the girls house, the young man would always say “she’s not the one!”
The young man only wanted a girl who was religious and practicing, however one evening his mother arranged for him, to meet a girl, who was religious, and practicing.

On that evening, the young man, and girl, were left to talk, and ask each other questions. (As one would expect).
The young man, being a gentleman that he was allowed, the lady to ask first.
The young girl asked the young man so many questions, she asked about his life, his education, his friends, his family, his habits, his hobbies, his lifestyle, his enjoyment, his pastime, his experiences, his shoe size..

The young man replied to all of her questions, without tiring, and politely, with a smile the young girl took up nearly all of the time, over an hour, and felt bad, and asked the young man do you have any questions?

The young man said, it’s ok. I only have 3 questions…

The young girl thought, wow, only 3 questions okay, shoot.

The young man’s first question was, Who do you love the most in the world, someone who’s love nothing would ever overcome?

She said, this is an easy question; my mother, he smiled second question, he asked, you said that you read a lot of qur’an, could you tell me which surahs you know the meaning of?

Hearing this she went red and embarrassed and said, I do not know the meaning of any yet, but I am hoping to soon insha’allah I’ve just been a bit busy.the third question the young man asked, was I have been approached for my hand in marriage, by girls that are a lot more prettier than you, why should I marry you?

Hearing this the young girl was outraged, she stormed off to her parents with fury, and said I do not want to marry this man he is insulting my beauty, and intelligence. And the young man and his parents, were once again, left without an agreement of marriage.

This time, the young mans parents were really angry, and said what did you do to anger that girl, the family were so nice, and pleasant, and they were religious like you wanted. What did you ask the girl?? Tell us!

The young man said, firstly I asked her, who do you love the most? she said, her mother,

The parents said so, what is wrong with that??

The young man said, “no one, is Muslim, until he loves Allah, and his messenger (saw) more than anyone else in the world”

If a woman loves Allah and the Prophet (pbuh) and his progeny more than anyone, she will love me and respect me, and stay faithful to me, because of that love, and fear for Allah (swt). and we can share this love, because this love is greater than lust for beauty.

The young man said, then I asked, you read a lot of qur’an, can you tell me the meaning of any surah?

And she said no, because I haven’t had time yet. so I thought of that hadith “ALL humans, are dead except for those who have knowledge” She has lived 20 years and not found ANY time, to seek knowledge, why would I marry a woman, who does not know her rights, and responsibilities, and what will she teach my children, except how to be negligent, because the woman IS the madrasa (school) and the best of teachers. And a woman who has no time for Allah, will not have time for her husband.

The third question I asked her was, that a lot of girls, more prettier than her, had approached me for marriage, why should I choose you?

That is why she stormed off, getting angry. The young man’s parents said that is a horrible thing to say, whywould you do such a thing, we are going back there to apologise. The young man said I said this on purpose, to test whether she could control her anger.

The Prophet (saw) said “do not get angry, do not get angry, do not get angry” when asked how to become pious; because anger is from Satan.

If a woman cannot control her anger with a stranger she has just met,do you think she will be able to control it with her husband??

So, the moral of this story is, a marriage is based on:
*knowledge, not looks,
*practice, not preaching,
*Forgiveness, not anger,
*spiritual love, not lust.
*and compromise

One should look for a person who
1) Has love for Allah (swt) and the messenger (saw) and his family (a.s)
2) Has knowledge of the deen, and can act upon it.
3) can control their anger
4) and willing to compromise.
And it goes both ways, so women seeking a man, should look for the same things.
Insha’allah, may Allah make every marriage a success, and let us create Love for Allah and his messenger(saw) and his family (a.s) so that Allah can bless us, and create love in our lives.
There is no better structure founded in Islam other than marriage. – The Prophet of Islam (SAW)

Advertisements

Gunnah (Sin) for Sale

Sale sale sale …. Complete Gunnah package available for very reasonable price for yourself and all family members. Don’t miss the chance as you’ll not even realize that you have increase your Gunnah account immensely.

These days are associated with Ahlebait (a.s.) and considered to be very holy months, most of the people prefer to arrange wedding functions during these three months (Jamad us Sani, Rajab and Shaban). Usually this is done because of our close association with Ahlebait (a.s.), we celebrate our happiness when they are happy and when they are in grief we also turn into sadness, although this is a very excellent way to demonstrate our love, respect and association with them but one should understand that when anything, any event or any function is done in their name it obviously means that organizers should take extra care and the gathering should be very pure as it is done in the name of “Lords of Purity”.

BUT

Whenever you feel like your Gunnah account has reduced and you are feeling uncomfortable because of that, just don’t worry … Go and attend a wedding function of so called “Moderate Family”, you’ll find a complete Gunnah package and those 2-3 hours per function is enough to increase your account. And if the function is of your close relative/friend, then just be prepared for some extra ordinary packages like buy one get many free and special discounts upto 100%.

The story starts with the wedding week when you are invited to join a Mehendi function; as soon as you step out from your home the counter will start or maybe it was started the day when you accepted that invitation and started preparation for it. Hmmmmmmmm, nicely dressed, you reached the invited place, you’ll be greeted with some cool music playing in ultra loud voice and you’ll be seeing some females with proper “western” Hijab greeting your ladies, no need to mention that you are in a mix gathering as there was no other choice for organizers cause the Mehendi function has to be mix gathering as it is sunnat-e-Iblees.

Your account has start increasing but there is much more to come so remain excited, now you have two choices (don’t worry both of them will earn you equal Gunnah), either participate in the “Dhoolki and/or Dandiya” performed by girls and boys or remain seated and enjoy the show. Young children must be enjoying the dance and remember DO NOT scold them when they repeat this action at home with their siblings and cousins because you are the one to encourage and develop this notion in them. For most of the children this won’t be a new thing as STAR PLUS has already taught them all these gestures.

And now comes the most disgraceful part of the ceremony, music is on its peak and family members are going to perform Imam Zamin ceremony, with the voice of “Salwat” which will ofcourse muddle up with the music sound, the groom wears Imam Zamin of “YA ALI” and bride wears of “YA FATIMA” and with that Imam Zamin tied on the hand, groom starts shaking hands and taking “Musafa” with Na-Mehram women like Chachi, Bhabbi, Sali etc. etc., still with the “YA ALI” Imam Zamin on the arm, bride’s sisters and cousins do the “ANGHOTA PAKRAI” rasm. This is when girls from bride’s side hold the thumb of groom and demand for certain gift, I am not against the tradition but holding hands without any barrier is what makes it Haram.

Do I need to mention that you can easily convert this Gunnah into “Gunnah-e-Jaria” by just letting the movie maker to shoot your uncovered head in his camera? You can easily earn Gunnah for many years in this way, as the movie will be circulated around the community very regularly. In some cases ultra moderate family will upload it on youtube or some other website of this kind letting the whole world to enjoy the ceremony and without your permission you’ll be seen without Hijab by many Na-Mehrams.

When there are thousands of people hungry and living in worst conditions, and majority of them can be found in our own country (Pakistan), it is a mandatory tradition to waste huge amount of food when you know that Allah gave you the meal before this meal and you’ll surely take proper meal after this one then too who cares, one person will collect food for two people and will waste it without a single thought. People use to behave like if this is the first and the last meal in their life time.

Anyways much more can be highlighted on this issue but you can imagine how rich you are at the end of these functions.

Why? Why are we like this, when each of us know that this is not correct then too we do same every time. Why we don’t have courage to reject invitations for such functions where we are dam sure that it will be full of unlawful things? Why don’t we discourage these traditions?

Just because we don’t want the relative/friend to feel bad if we reject the invitation, then what about Allah and Ahlebait (a.s.)? Are the friends superior to Ahlebait (a.s.) that we are giving preference to their displeasure on Ahlebait’s (a.s) displeasure?

I admit that I am also same as all others but I want to change, are you ready to change?

Ask yourself!

Source: http://khojashia.blogspot.com/2009/06/gunnah-for-sale.html

10 Principles for Peaceful Life

  1.  Do Not Interfere In Others’ Business Unless Asked: Most of us create our own problems by interfering too often in others’ affairs. We do so because somehow we have convinced ourselves that our way is the best way, our logic is the perfect logic and those who do not conform to our thinking must be criticized and steered to the right direction, i.e. our direction. This thinking denies the existence of individuality and consequently undermines the Intelligence and Creativity that is only attributed to Allah. Allah has created each one of us in a unique way. No two human beings can think or act in exactly the same way. All men or women act the way they do because Allah has made each one of us different, with different personalities. Be patient with one another, and mind your own business and you will keep your peace. 
  2.  Forgive And Forget: This is the most powerful aid to peace of mind, but also challenging to achieve. We often develop ill feelings inside our heart for the person who insult us or harm us. We nurture grievances resulting in loss of sleep, development of stomach ulcers, and high blood pressure. We further aggravate stress in ourselves by remembering, and reminding ourselves of the very persons that caused us harm. Get over this bad habit. Life is too short to waste in such trifles. Forgive, forget, and march on. Love flourishes in giving and forgiving.
  3.  Do Not Crave For Recognition: This world is full of selfish people. They seldom praise anybody without selfish motives. They may praise you today because you are in power, but no sooner than you are powerless; they will forget your achievement and will start finding faults in you. Why do you wish to kill yourself in striving for their recognition? Do your duties ethically and sincerely, and only seek the pleasure of Allah through Salah and Ibadah.
  4. Do Not Be Jealous: We all have experienced how jealousy can disturb our peace of mind. You know that you work harder than your colleagues in the office, but sometimes they get promotions; you do not. You started a business several years ago, but you are not as successful as your neighbour whose business is only a one year old. There are several examples like these in everyday life. Should you be jealous? No. Remember, a person’s life is shaped by their destiny, which becomes their reality. If you are destined to be rich, nothing in the world can stop you. And if you are destined to be poor, then no matter what you do, you will only be what you are destined to be. Nothing will be gained by blaming others for your misfortune. Jealousy will not get you anywhere; it will only take away your peace of mind.
  5. Change Yourself: If you try to change the environment single-handedly, the chances are you will fail. Instead, change yourself to suit your environment. As you do this, even the environment, which has been unfriendly to you, will mysteriously change and seem congenial and harmonious.
  6. Endure What Cannot Be Cured: Every day we face numerous inconveniences, ailments, irritations, and accidents that are beyond our control. If we cannot control them or change them, we must learn to put up with these things. We must learn to endure them cheerfully. Believe in yourself and you will gain in terms of patience, inner strength and will power.
  7. Do Not Bite Off More Than You Can Chew: We often tend to take more responsibilities than we are capable of. This is done to satisfy our ego. Know your limitations. Why take on additional loads that may create more worries? You cannot gain peace of mind by expanding your external activities. Reduce your material engagements and spend time in prayer, and introspection. It will prevent you from thinking of matters that upset you. An uncluttered mind is a peaceful mind.
  8. Make Regular Dhikr: Dhikr, the remembrance of Allah, calms the mind and gets rid of disturbing thoughts. Try it yourself. If you do tasbih, dhikr, whenever you are free, your mind will be at peace during the day. Your mind will not be easily disturbed as it was before. You may think that this will interfere with your daily work. On the contrary, this will increase your efficiency and you will be able to produce better results in less time.
  9. Never Leave The Mind Vacant: An empty mind is the devil’s workshop. Keep your mind occupied in something positive, something worthwhile and negative thoughts will not plague your mind. Actively follow a hobby, something that holds your interest. You must decide what you value more: money or peace of mind. Your hobby, like social work or religious work, may not always earn you more money, but you will have a sense of fulfillment and achievement. Even when you are resting physically, occupy yourself in healthy reading or mental chanting of God’s name.
  10. Do Not Procrastinate And Never Regret: Do not waste time in protracted wondering, “Should I or shouldn’t I?” You can never plan enough because you can never fully anticipate all future happenings. Value your time and do the things that need to be done now. It does not matter if you fail the first time, so long as you don’t leave it for tomorrow. You can learn from your mistakes and succeed the next time. Sitting back and worrying will lead to nothing. DO NOT REGRET. Whatever happened was destined to happen. Why cry over spilt milk?

Guidance on One’s Conduct in Life

Masoom (a.s.)’s Guidance on One’s Conduct in Life
 
It was narrated to me by Ahmed bin Hassan Qatan, who referred from Hassan bin Ali Sakari, who from Jafar bin Mohammed bin Ammara, who from his father that:
Imam Jafar-e-Sadiq (a.s) said people generally desire for four luxuries in this temporary World: to become rich, to achieve comfort in life, to minimise grief and hardship and to be respected by others:

Wealth and triumph is hidden in the treasure of countenance, but if someone is seeking it through accumulation of wealth then it is impossible;
Comfort and ease is in the keeping your liabilities to minimum but if someone tries to gain comfort and peace of mind through excessive commitments then it is impossible;
Minimum grief and hardship is achieved through indulging in minimum hobbies and engagements but if someone is seeking them through excessive involvements than it is impossible.
Respect is in the service and obedience of one’s Lord (swt) but if someone is trying to obtain it through serving and keeping others happy then it is impossible for him to succeed

 
It is written in ‘Tafseer-e-Imam Hassan Askari (a.s)’ that Imam Mohammed Baqir (a.s) told, Mohammed bin Muslim Shahab Zahri visited Imam Zain-ul-Abadeen (a.s) in a state of grief and very low morale. Mola (a.s) asked why are you so depressed and anxious? He replied, O! Son of Rasool Allah (saww), I am engulfed in sadness and fears due to those who are jealous of my wealth and prosperity; I always get contrary to what I expect from them even from those whom I have extended many favours. Imama.s. replied you should keep your tongue in your control, this will enable you to win them back. Zahri replied, I always communicate with them in a favourable way. Imam (a.s) replied it can never be so! It can never be so! Beware, do not be proud of your statements and never talk in those terms, which do not appeal to them. Although you may have complete justification for your statements, but you can never be certain that you are able to clarify your unpleasant comments.
 
Imam (a.s.) later said, O Zahri! Listen, whoever does not fully comprehend a matter, he easily makes mistakes. O Zahri! It is obligatory upon you to regard all Muslims [1] as  part of your family and give an elder the status of your father; younger as your son and those who the same age as you, the rank of your brothers. Then think again if you would like to be unkind to any one of them, or would wish bad luck for him or would be pleased if his hidden sins are revealed or he be insulted? But if Iblis Maloun (the cursed one!) puts illusion in your mind that your are superior than a fellow Muslim, then you should carefully analyse the situation and if that person is older than you, then you should consider that he has carried out more good deeds and adhered to ‘Aman’ [2] prior to you; if that person is younger than you then regard him more blessed as you have committed more sins as compared with him and therefore he is better than you; if that person is the same age as you, then make yourself believe that you are sure about your sins which you have committed but you can only doubt about that fellow’s wrongdoings and how could you reject what you see clearly in comparison to the vague? (so he is better than you).
 
And if you see others are giving you respect and bowing down to you then consider this privilege is only extended to you by their kindness and you do not have these qualities. When you realise that people are cruel to you and are annoyed with you then take it as a result of your misbehaviour. When you adopt this kind of attitude then Allahswt. will make your life easier and comfortable, and increase number of your friends and reduce your enemies, and you will be pleased with the polite and kind conduct of others and will not complain on their misconduct.
 
Be aware! In people’s opinion, a more respectful person is that from whom they benefit and gain favours and he does not lean on them and never expects something in return and does not turns to them for help. After this person, people respect that who believes in self-reliance, even though he is not self-sufficient. This likeness is due to the fact that general public is fond of riches, and they would respect that person who does not pose any threat in regard to their most loved entity (wealth), Indeed they will respect and praise that person. However, people would consider a person most honourable person who does not complete with them in earnings but rather in small or large amounts, keeps on contributing to them from his own pocket.
 
[1] True Muslim who believes in 14 Masomeena.s.
[2] Admitting Mola Ali a.s. ‘s wilayat as compulsory in all aspects of deen

%d bloggers like this: